| benjy fenwick is GRUMPY |
[Sunday October 25, 2pm] |
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Why the fuck don't bloody any of you talk anymore?
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| benjy fenwick will regret this. |
[Wednesday September 23, 10am] |
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My sudden lack of Prophet employment has given me a lot of time to reflect on life, and I've finally realized our problem.
I've figured out how to end this war.
For years, now, purebloods and Muggleborns (of whom there are few, in each category) have fought each other tooth and claw, as the purebloods sought to extinguish the Muggleborns, and the Muggleborns sought to make the purebloods admit that Death Eater attacks would be way more intimidating if they blasted Led Zeppelin at magically amplified volume while slaughtering the masses. ("Kashmir" would be especially good.) The main problem with this is that, while there are comparatively few purebloods and Muggleborns, there are still too many to effectively handle. How am I supposed to counsel Evan Rosier on his tea trauma and teach Bellatrix Lestrange about short shorts in the same go? How are they suppose to rip mine and Lily Potter's throats out at the same time? It's too much work!
Thus, I've come up with the ultimate plan: Death Eaters, you murderous black-clad evildoers of night, start hunting albinos.
Albinos, unlike Muggleborns, will never adapt to normal life. They will always be very pale and frequently unattractive, and probably die virgins- this on one hand means you won't exactly be stopping their lines from progressing, but it does mean you can bring about a funner end for it! There are also way fewer of them than there are of Muggleborns, which means you won't have to waste all this TIME fighting it! I'm 99% sure the Ministry has no specific laws regarding albinos.
Please, Death Eaters. Consider targeting the albinos. For all our sakes.
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| benjy fenwick is a born skeptic. |
[Friday September 18, 2pm] |
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( ORDER. ) ( SIRIUS, FABIAN, GIDEON, JAMES, CARADOC, ALICE, FRANK, DORA, MARL, REMUS. )
In response to the lovely and heartwarming omen Miss Bones was so kind to share, I offer my own bit of street poetry.
I see the bad moon arising
I see trouble on the way
I see earthquakes and lightning
I see bad times today
Don't go around tonight
Well, it's bound to take your life
There's a bad moon on the rise
I hear hurricanes a-blowing
I know the end is coming soon
I fear rivers over flowing
I hear the voice of rage and ruin
Don't go around tonight
Well, it's bound to take your life
There's a bad moon on the rise
All right!
Hope you got your things together
Hope you are quite prepared to die
Looks like we're in for nasty weather
One eye is taken for an eye
Don't go around tonight
Well, it's bound to take your life
There's a bad moon on the rise
Don't go around tonight
Well, it's bound to take your life
There's a bad moon on the rise
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| benjy fenwick is determined. |
[Saturday September 12, 11am] |
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Those of you who leapt for joy at the news that I had been disposed of as resident Prophet trouble-maker will be pleased to know that a) I've been told Hanley Winteringham is supposed to replace me, and he is a fullblood, so he should be much nicer to you. b) I am now working as an employee in Flourish & Blotts, from which I can watch the Daily Prophet office and shake my fist mightily, and also doing some freelance work for Witch Weekly, through which I intend to corrupt the minds of your wives and daughters.
Cheerio,
B. Fenwick
( SIRIUS, FABIAN, GIDEON, JAMES, CARADOC, ALICE, FRANK, DORA, MARL, REMUS. )
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| benjy fenwick believes in chairman mao. |
[Monday September 7, 7pm] |
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( PRIVATE. ) ( ORDER. )
Propaganda is gravely underrated.
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| benjy fenwick is tired. |
[Monday August 31, 7pm] |
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( PRIVATE. )
Hell of a week we're having. Would anyone like to join the pool on how long we have before I'm killed off, too?
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| benjy fenwick thinks amelia bones has marrow for brains. |
[Monday August 10, 12pm] |
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My next editorial will be on the merits of the military state, and the great and bountiful empire that the Führer's victory has given us all in the 35 years of his reign.
( Private, edited in later. )
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| benjy fenwick already went to hell; you can't scare him with it now. |
[Thursday August 6, 1pm] |
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You know, it'd almost be better if they gave Fields a nice open casket. Remind everybody what they're up against. Maybe, I don't know, encourage certain members of the Ministry to shirk bureaucracy in exchange for efficiency now and then? Maybe make some kids think twice about putting out for rich benefactors from old families in exchange for generous subsidies. Maybe remind people they're as good as dead and it's only dumb luck saving them every day. Head of Aurors took a nasty fall. Not a lot of people who're better qualified to stay alive in a war than he is.
No disrespect meant to Mr Fields, of course. I liked him. He usually took a couple of minutes to humour me before having me escorted away by security. He gave me a lollipop once. I just figure that maybe he'd want to encourage people to avoid his face fate.
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| benjy fenwick is awake awake awake. |
[Saturday August 1, 2am] |
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( Order. )
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| benjy fenwick can't help himself. |
[Monday July 20, 3pm] |
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( Order. )
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| benjy fenwick has dreams. |
[Thursday July 16, 7pm] |
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When I grow up, I think I'm going to be Leonard Cohen.
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| benjy fenwick is a fucking scholar okay. |
[Wednesday July 15, 3pm] |
Here's a theoretical question for you:
If a man is halfway to drunk before dinner, does that make him an ill-adjusted drunk, or a fucking visionary who's ahead of his time?
Go ahead and answer.
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| benjy fenwick feels cheated. |
[Thursday July 9, 11pm] |
They never let me use terms like "snafu."
[Private to Order members.]
I'm having a party at my flat. Invite your friends. Let's do it tomorrow. If you can't make it on short notice you're not a good friend.
I don't care who's breaking into your bank or blowing up your Muggles. You're coming to my party or I'll never invite you again, and I'm the only one who knows how to make good Exploding Hippogriffs, so you better bloody well show if you give a rat's arse about your... arse.
Bring your friends.
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[Thursday July 2, 4am] |
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take me out (of your friends list)
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